Superficial Surface Encounters

I don't know about you, but I meet new people almost every day; whether a brief encounter on the street, in a store or over the phone. Some people I'll meet and move on within minutes or even seconds. Some of them will be mere courtesy greetings or gestures. But some of these people I'll have a sustained conversation with; maybe a potential employer, the bank or perhaps someone I've got chatting to whilst sat down eating my lunch. And it's the latter I want to focus on today.

I am a sociable person. I love meeting new people. I love to talk. I love to listen. I love to find out about people - who they are, where they're from, what they like, what they don't like. I love to find shared passions and common ground or cry out in joking disgust when they're a fan of something I'm not. I love to part someone's company knowing that I could've just made a new friend. But how often is that actually the case?

I have met hundreds, if not thousands, of new people in the last few years just like the above. They come along, you get talking, you hang out and all is swell, you drift a bit, you chat on Facebook occasionally but it soon dries up, you bump into them when you're out, you nod or wave or shake hands or hug, you catch up, they say 'it's been too long', you say 'yeah it has', they say 'we should meet up sometime', you say 'definitely'. You know chances are that'll never happen but you might drop them a message saying it was good to see them and you get chatting a bit. The situation then repeats itself ad infinitum.

How many friendships do you have just like that? Sound familiar? I thought so. 

So what's going on?

Could be a case of Networking. Now networking is no bad thing. A lot of people do it intentionally and do well out of it, whilst others do it subconsciously or unknowingly. I am guilty of the former. I am a big networker. I meet some people and think 'Yes my good man, you may be of some use to me in the future' and I drop them in a big imaginary bucket labelled 'useful', with a little mental note to keep in contact with them just in case.

People network for a plethora of reasons; jobs, social status, fame, hot friends, party invites - a whole host of things from the massive to the mundane. The only thing they have in common is that they all want something out of you. For example, ladies and gentleman, you would be surprised to know just how many people stay in touch with happily taken people just to target them should they ever become single. That's networking. Or perhaps a more apt name would be 'bookmarking'. And you're probably guilty of that yourself, right?

I've been networked a silly amount of times because of my involvement in Events, in particular Freshers Week and club nights. I wonder just how many people stayed in contact with me for the possibility of free entry, free drinks or VIP access. I have received an abundance of messages in the last few years from people I've not spoken to in forever, asking if I could 'hook them up' with something. And I'm sure you have also been networked for whatever you have to offer. If you don't think you have anything to offer other than your wonderful friendship and don't think anyone's been networking you, chances are you've been at least bookmarked.

Alternatively, not progressing in friendship could simply be because you are not compatible as anything more than acquaintances or loose friends.

How often do people step into our lives and become our best friends or loved ones?

I went through three years of university where everyone knew my name. Yet I've come out the other side with just 2 or 3 people I would consider as close friends who I can see being around in the years to come; friends who I chat to often, who I miss when they're not around, who I can talk to about my troubles, share things with and who I can trust to put me right if I'm wrong. What makes these people different from any other? Beats me. But something, somewhen happened and our lives became entwined.

Friends at work? Would you even be sat there with them on your lunch if you didn't work with them?

Catching up with someone you used to know? Would you even be catching up if you hadn't awkwardly bumped into each other?

Don't get me wrong, my point isn't to question every friendship you have or to turn your back on people because you haven't spoken in a while - people get caught up in their lives and sometimes people drift. There is also nothing wrong with being friends with someone because circumstance would have it so. I stand as a firm believer that you can never have enough friends - to any degree of attachment. I also believe there are exceptions to the points I've made and that there is a grey area.

My point (finally) is to be thankful for the relationships you have which are special; which are deeper than superficial surface encounters and networking. To value the family, friends and lovers in your life who you share that je ne sais quoi with. That something which means you know they get you; that they'll love you no matter how ridiculous you look or how awful that joke was; that they will stand by you through thick and thin; that they will be around not only to see you progress through life but to help you in any way they can. Be grateful for those people with whom you can talk to or joke about things which you're sure the whole of society would shun you for if spoken aloud. And those people who make all the world's troubles disappear when you're with them.

Tell these people you love them, support them, hug them often, don't let the sun set on an argument and don't leave them behind when you step out on your life journey.

Afterall, such relationships are a rarity. You should treat them as such.