She knows what she’s put me through and what she continues to put me through even now. She knows how miserable she made me and how much I suffered for her leaving. She knows it’s not every day that you fall in love with your best friend. And she knows that she’s thrown away something which people spend their lives searching for and often never find.
I want her to know that I would give anything to have a lazy afternoon spent cuddled on the sofa like we used to. These times, whilst happy, seemed so insignificant in the moment; but I now relish the thought of such normality with her. I want her to know that every part of me still craves her touch. And that I still struggle to fall asleep at night without her next to me. I want her to know that while my smile may look the same to others; it is not the same smile I smiled when I was with her. I want her to know I see her face in every weight at the gym and the anger pushes me through the pain. I want her to know I see her face in the bottom of every glass and the pain pushes another into my hand. I want her to know I see her in the way that I act and I hear her in the way that I speak - she echoes inside of me.
But what I need her to know is that what I’d do to get her back bares no boundaries or limits. I need her to know that not a single hour has passed in all this time that I haven’t thought about her. I need her to know she parted my heart from my chest when she left, carrying it with her all those thousands of miles where it rests with her to this day. I need her to know that in the darker times she might face, I’ll stand as light, and I need her to know that when times seem hard, there is someone here who would lay down everything they had just to see her smile again. I need her to know that while she bounces from place to place searching for whatever it is she’s searching for, she will always have a home in my heart.
I need her to know I miss her.
She chose her dream over me - for which I cannot blame her at all. I understand why she’s done what she’s done but that doesn’t mean I have to like it. The more I think about it, the more I realise that our relationship was only just beginning. I wish we could have seen what life had in store for us.
I wish she didn’t go.
I want her to know that I would give anything to have a lazy afternoon spent cuddled on the sofa like we used to. These times, whilst happy, seemed so insignificant in the moment; but I now relish the thought of such normality with her. I want her to know that every part of me still craves her touch. And that I still struggle to fall asleep at night without her next to me. I want her to know that while my smile may look the same to others; it is not the same smile I smiled when I was with her. I want her to know I see her face in every weight at the gym and the anger pushes me through the pain. I want her to know I see her face in the bottom of every glass and the pain pushes another into my hand. I want her to know I see her in the way that I act and I hear her in the way that I speak - she echoes inside of me.
But what I need her to know is that what I’d do to get her back bares no boundaries or limits. I need her to know that not a single hour has passed in all this time that I haven’t thought about her. I need her to know she parted my heart from my chest when she left, carrying it with her all those thousands of miles where it rests with her to this day. I need her to know that in the darker times she might face, I’ll stand as light, and I need her to know that when times seem hard, there is someone here who would lay down everything they had just to see her smile again. I need her to know that while she bounces from place to place searching for whatever it is she’s searching for, she will always have a home in my heart.
I need her to know I miss her.
She chose her dream over me - for which I cannot blame her at all. I understand why she’s done what she’s done but that doesn’t mean I have to like it. The more I think about it, the more I realise that our relationship was only just beginning. I wish we could have seen what life had in store for us.
I wish she didn’t go.
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